my first entry on you

these days i have been wondering what is love between two people?

i have been confused and been thinking about what defines it and what creates it-
and i doubted my own ones



very just now, 30 minutes ago,
i felt a feeling of unease throughout my body. i thought it might be just me being uncomfortable going to bed early. it is not like me ever-i felt so uncomfortable that even if i had to turn on my comp again- usual me would never resort to that but the lazy me was willing to press the button and wait the longest wait for it to start. i wondered if it had anything to do with you- this feeling- or was it just me. but this feeling, that i could not put a finger too it- it just bothered- it felt so so wierd. it really was wierd.

i wanted and felt like i needed to talk to him. the more i thought about it the more i missed him so i tried calling- though i know that he must have set off for fieldcamp already. voicemail service hence, i was about to send my starhub message- thinking about what i wanted to say,

my hp rang- thinking it was a friend, i wasn't looking forward to it- esp wen you're pmsy right. then i saw the words "baby" flashing on my hp screen. that made my heart skip a beat. i swear this is one time i remember clearly ever feeling this way- no matter how cliche or cheesy this sounds- it did, it happened to me

it was impossible- i thought you were gone and you never call during this time- i thought i was imagining it but i quickly called back which followed a flood of " i miss yous"-

and then it hit me, it dawned on me -love-
pining hurts and not being able to do anything about it leaves you in desperation.
the "i really love you"s and the "i miss you"s- always makes everything better

at that point of time -to be able to listen to his voice, knowing that during that shortest period of time, both share the most intense and intimate feeling of being together- my strongest feelings of love towards him and the strongest feelings of aching pain took over me that it just simply occured- the answer to my own question. i found it in just 5 minutes of conversation today -i am amazed. i am, at the wonders of the heart and our left ventricles.

it might be a coincidence, or pure chance today- but i would like to attribute it to love.

of course the worst moment always has to come-the sound of the click and the silence- the sudden emptiness which runs through your whole being and only crying would bring any relief- and then you decide for once in your whole time being 'in love' that this is one time you really should blog about.

i miss you. i really do-