My Last Day as a First Year

written on 18th june saturday 2.17 am. unedited.

previous post title reads- my second last day in exeter as a freshie :)

im going home tmr today actually since its one plus now yet im not all happy. i feel sad la. that my first year has gone by jus like that. i wouldnt say it flew by, tho it really seemed like it did looking back now, but its really u-n-f-o-r-g-e-t-t-a-b-l-e. its jus amazing n i have so many things to blog n say n i wanna rem everything. every single emo im feeling right now but i dunno wat to say. actually i do but its all jumbled up n i dunno how to list it coherently.

its jus like new frens ive made. cool good frens that we have come so far tog now, that wen we leave not to see each other at all for 3 mths or more wed cry at the thought. its like we see each other everyday for such an intense period that we or rather i grow accustomed to it. yesterday four of us got stuck in kitchen trying to cook up a storm for the singsoc farewell dinner. we're not good cooks. haha. but well the results were fantastic cos of our friendship sia... devi did her tasty tikka masala chicken curry, kat did yummy beef bolognese, cam did our version of china fried rice n helped me w brocolli n oyster sauce. yum yum. delicious la. sigh i dunno im missing here tho ive been waiting to go home for ages. like cam says in chinese "ren2 shi4 jian4 de4" (humans are uhm, scrupulous?) haha dunno la but well.

and then theres my darling double bed n room. i dunno if i can bear to sleep in it one last time. maybe thats y im not getting into it. its jus too too sad. u guys must be thinking im mad n some kind of a wierdo but then i am. and i really will fucking miss my room. whether or not my room next year is nicer, newer or bigger. well actually i think the fact that is it smaller, single bed n older does make it worse but still. sigh.. (i really sigh ok like im really jus writing wat comes to mind and i realised that this is gonna be one long post but heck). and jus now wen i was in the shower i could not bear to get out of the shower place n press the button to turn the water off. its like the steady water heater has been with me throughout the cold winter days. the days i feel lonley n sad n down the warm water comforts my body n spirit. sounds damn drama but really la! and then i wanted to take a photo of the 'view' i see wwn im in the shower cos i find it really therepeutic but then im so damn tired now that i cant really b bothered hoping against hope that i won regret not doin wat i think i shld. n then theres my balcony. o man.

o and then theres the cooked hall food that never fails. its like alwyas there u can go eat whenever u wan. whether its good or not theres food. next year i dunno man. n then there is the atmosphere of hall dinner. o man. my eye candies. my perty butts. o god i jus realised i didnt get to see my eyecandsy one last time!! o mama. i feel like crying now. n then theres BN (birdsnest- her hair looks like one) and BN2 (he needed a hair cut n now he needs plastic surgery) but theres always CCG (cute cute guy) to save the day. sigh its over its all over

theres so much more ive got to say but im tired of blogging now. im so gonna miss the lonely days. like those days ive spent alone. in my room. solitude. now im going back to a much bigger space with more ppl more friends. this is wat ive waited for n im gonna make sure i enjoy it. tho some of my heart will always be left here with the plcae n ppl. sounds cheesy but i dun care this is my blog. online diary rem? of cos i wana share the experience w u all la, my readers cos i think it makes it more special. a sorrow shared (esp during exams, thx tanya) is a sorrow halved. and now my version- worthiness shared doubles the value.

huh? wat? i dunno

wat i did on friday. my second last day. i woke up ealry in the morning, caught the bus n went to the other campus. found the medical school and 'donated' blood for some tests for 10 pounds. sounds good but ive got an ugly bruise now. seems like ive earned some cash but wait till i tell u i spent 115 something pounds today on some shoes n clothes n swimming costume. o m g. i know but well shopping here really damn shiok la, and cos i know im on my way back mah n sg, shanghai or thailand all small clothes small shoes so here is good for me to get my stuffiesss!!! i really love feeling comfy in my fats! here! its been 6 months since ive felt any societal pressure to control my wt i know im gonna die wen im back i jus know it but i haven felt it. haha. goshie.

ive still got more to write but im really tired right now. gonna miss everyone. kat, devi, cam, lianne, sarah, eunice, liling n close acq n even the bitches on my floor (actually they r really not that bad la. haha but well) i hope to rem clearly all that i have had this year.

being in heathrow airpoirt on my own for the first time getting on the uni coach, freshers week, singsoc, penn court, intro to hall life, knowing kat devi eunice then cam. o god i wanna go into the details but i darent. too long. then theres school n psychology in my life. winter, shopping for winter clothes, snow, hail. xmas hol in sg. realizing how much i miss home n appreciate sg. grumbling that we have to be ine xeter, compaingin abt food. then there r my firat uni exams, had done reports n precticals. hard but well kinda fun n nice. then there were new modules, easter hols n spain. my 1st european tour. n then lafrowda, liling wunice, cooking on my own. living in diff env appreciating my hall n food. all this time there was the usual slack n last min assignment dues. friends to talk to online everyday n emails to check then i started this blog therefore posts to enter. theres jus so much. n then came exma period study slack study sclack more. and then the end came spiralling so quickly. maybe i should have not decided to come back earlier but then thinking abt my family makes it hard to say that.

jereme, daddy, mummy, julius. i dunno i feel sad that now ive come to know of sit responsibilites n priorities n all that. i dunno wat im sayin jus that if this brings tears to my eyes right now it must be something novel im experinecing. maybe this is wat u call growing up n learnign new things. a new feeling. a split life? home/sg vs sch/uk. home n sch used to be one now its not. n its totally diff. its such an experience i dunno man. ive learnt to love my family. seriously realy. n i think it also taught them to love me. i feel like i can hug my parents right now n talk to jereme on the phone for ages wen i never even spoke 2 sentences a day. ive learnt a hell lot. if not psychology then family n sg. i wanna go home yet i dun wan to. its jus wierd damn wierd n i cant decribe it man i iwsh i had better writing abilites and i wish im not so tired but i dont have n i am.

so i guess my last post in exeter as a first yr shall end here